NARRATOR
Last week on SWFS 4 Life
Clip of Carmen holding banana pillow addressing Tia.
NARRATOR
Tia is confronted by her old roommate.
Cut to clip from episode three with Carmen saying “you put me and Melissa out so that they could move in” Jump to clip from same episode of Carmen saying “you stupid bitch”
NARRATOR
Erin and Jam come to Tia’s rescue.
Cut to clip from episode one of Erin saying “Jam hug her” jump to clip of Erin saying “now I think that you and your banana need to get the hell out of our condo.”
NARRATOR
After a show of allegiance are our SWF’s prepared for the serious bond that they have created with Tia?
Cut to extended clip starting with Tia saying “just so you know I got your back” Jam says shut up and Erin and Jam get up and exit the frame leaving Tia sitting on the couch smiling. A second later, Tia reaches under the couch cushion and pulls out a Kahr K9. She releases the clip and looks at it. It’s engraved “From Daddy with Love” She loads the clip back into the pistol and puts the pistol back under the cushion. Then she grabs her glass of wine and leans back and takes a sip
Cut to SWFS 4 Life theme.
Scene 2
Int. Jam’s bedroom.
Close up on a digital clock that reads 11:14 am. Zoom out to see that Jam is still in the bed. He is wearing a white wife beater and a black eye mask. Erin enters the room carrying two cups of coffee. She sits on the bed.
ERIN
Jam?
JAM
Yes.
ERIN
Are you asleep?
JAM
Yes.
ERIN
Shut up. We need to talk.
Jam sits up. Then pushes his eye mask to the top of his head. Erin hands him a coffee.
JAM
What’s up.
Jam takes a sip of the coffee frowns and hands it back to Erin who hands him the other cup.
ERIN
I woke up and I wanted coffee so I went looking for some and I found this swanky little coffee shop around the corner.
JAM
Swanky is good.
ERIN
It is. But this place was like anti-swank. It was filled with hipsters and douchebags and what nots. But there was this old lady, Helena, who was like a total throwback.
JAM
How far back?
ERIN
Think Holly Golightly only seventy-five.
JAM
Sweet.
ERIN
I know. So, I started talking to her and she was a total bore. It was theater show this and musical show that and…
JAM
I love musicals.
ERIN
I know. But I don’t. I was about to ditch her when she said something about being upset about not having an escort for the season.
JAM
That’s interesting.
ERIN
I know. Apparently, in her social circle the thing to do is to show up at plays and such with a hot young stud on her arm.
JAM
So what happened to her hot young stud?
ERIN
He got fired for sleeping with a client.
JAM
Ew.
A beat of silence.
ERIN
Anyway, so while she’s talking I decide to have a little fun and play Talented Mr. Ripley with her.
JAM
Love that game. What did you tell her?
ERIN
I told her that I run a fledgling escort service.
JAM
Nice. How many escorts do you have?
ERIN
Just one.
JAM
Only one.
ERIN
How many hoes do you need?
JAM
True. Did she buy it?
ERIN
Totally. She was so sucked in she asked me my book rate.
JAM laughs.
JAM
That’s awesome. What did you tell her?
ERIN
I said a thousand dollars a date plus expenses.
JAM
Yes. And what did she say?
ERIN
Sold.
JAM
Really.
ERIN
Yeah. Apparently her last escort was charging two grand a date.
JAM
Unbelievable.
ERIN
Believe it.
Jam takes a sip of his coffee and looks up to see that Erin is staring at him. He looks back at his coffee and looks back to see that Erin is still staring at him. He stares back bewildered. A couple of beats go by when we see clarity wash over Jam’s face. Erin raises her eyebrows.
JAM
No.
ERIN
Come on Jam.
JAM
No. Absolutely not.
ERIN
Why?
JAM
I’m not letting you pimp me, Erin.
ERIN
Why not?
JAM
I don’t know.
ERIN
Jam. It’s easy money. You’re basically being paid to go to the theater.
JAM
With a seventy-five year old woman.
ERIN
It’s not like you’re doing her.
JAM
So.
ERIN
(pleading) Come. On. Jam. I don’t want to have to get a real job. Do you?
JAM
No.
ERIN
Well, this way we won’t have to. We’ll make way more money than we ever made at Kleen Sweep. And with the sweet deal we have here we’ll be rich.
JAM
I know but…
ERIN
And you’ll see all the new shows coming to town.
JAM
That is true.
ERIN
And plus expenses mean you can totally get full and wasted on her dime.
JAM
That’s true too.
ERIN
So, you’ll do it?
JAM
I guess.
ERIN
Thank you, Jam.
JAM
Welcome. But we’re splitting the money fifty fifty. You’re not pimping me, Erin.
ERIN
Deal. Now get up and get dressed.
JAM
Why?
Erin gets up and crosses to the doorway.
ERIN
Cause we’re meeting Helena in a hour. You’re going to see West Side Story tomorrow.
Jam sighs then gets out of bed.
Fade cut to
Scene 3
Int. Coffee shop.
Erin and Jam are sitting next to each other at a table. Across from them is Helena. She looks exactly like a seventy-five year old Holly Golightly. She is clearly attracted to Jam. She looks at him like he’s a meal and she’s extremely hungry.
HELENA
…and after the show we hang out in the lobby for a bit. You know, mingle and show off our dates. Then the limo and I will bring Julian home.
Jam stifles a laugh. Erin hits him.
ERIN
Perfect.
HELENA
Will Julian be available for the entire season.
ERIN
One show at a time, Helena.
HELENA
You are a shrewd Madame, Carlotta.
JAM
Carlotta.
Erin hits Jam again.
ERIN
Thank you, Helena.
Helena reaches into her purse and pulls out an envelope stuffed with cash and slides it over to Erin.
HELENA
Here’s half up front and some extra for wardrobe. I like my dates to be in tuxedo. With tails.
Jam sighs.
ERIN
Done and done.
Helena gets up to leave.
HELENA
Goodbye Carlotta.
ERIN
Goodbye Helena.
HELENA
Goodbye Julian.
Jam waves goodbye.
Helena turns to leave then turns back for one more look at Jam.
HELENA
You are a beautiful man, Julian. So exotic. Where are from. Cuba. The Dominican Republic. (rolling her r’s) Puerto Rico.
JAM
Stratford.
HELENA
Marvelous.
Helena turns and exits.
JAM
Julian.
ERIN
Like that.
JAM
Yeah.
Erin and Jam high five.
ERIN
Okay. Let’s go shopping.
Erin and Jam get up to leave.
Fade out Cut to
Scene 4
Int. The condo
Erin and Tia are sitting on the couch watching a dvd of West Side Story.
TIA
I didn’t know you like musicals.
ERIN
I don’t.
TIA
Then why are we watching this.
ERIN
Solidarity, Tia.
The sound of “America” grows louder as the screen fades and dissolves. The song continues as the screen fades in from black to show a center section of a theater. Seated seventh row center is Helena and Jam. Around them are several other couples made up of elderly women and young escorts. Jam is clearly the hottest of them all. Zoom in on Helena and Jam. Helena is sitting stoic and dignified. Jam is singing along and clearly having the time of his life.
FADE TO BLACK
ROLL CREDITS