Blackness
NARRATOR
Last week on SWFS 4 Life
Cut to scene of Erin and Mitch sitting in the coffee shop.
NARRATOR
Erin breaks things off with Mitch after he refuses to tell her he loves her.
Cut to clip from episode five of Erin tossing card on the table and saying “Goodbye Mitch.”
NARRATOR
Sad and dejected Erin, Jam and Tia turn to the one thing that they know will cheer them up.
Cut to clip episode five of Erin saying shots. Then show shorter montage of the dancing montage.
NARRATOR
What new and exciting adventures awaits our SWFS?
Cut to extended clip from episode five. Montage ends with Erin, Jam and Tia passed out on the couch. Tia awakes. She leans over and gives Erin a kiss on the cheek. Then she turns and gives Jam a kiss on the mouth. The passes back out.
Cut to SWFS 4 Life theme song
Scene 1
Int. Condo
Erin, Jam and Tia are all on their smart phones typing away. After a beat Tia stands up.
TIA
I’m off to work.
Erin and Jam don’t respond but continue typing on their phones.
TIA
Will you guys be here later?
JAM
That depends on what you’re going to say next?
Tia pauses trying to choose her words wisely.
ERIN
We have PML’s today.
TIA
What’s that?
ERIN
Pedicures, manicures and lattes.
TIA
Oh. Jellie. (beat) Anyway, I’m having company later and I don’t want to be here alone with him.
JAM
Why not?
TIA
Cause he’s weird.
JAM
Then why is he coming over.
TIA
Cause he’s hot.
ERIN
Hot and weird. We’re so here.
TIA
Thanks guys.
Tia turns to leave.
JAM
What. No kiss.
Tia stops. Then without turning around Tia runs out of the condo.
ERIN
What was that all about?
JAM
Nothing.
ERIN
Hot and weird. I’m so excited.
Erin and Jam return to using their phones. After a couple of beats…
JAM
OMG!
ERIN
What?
JAM
I just got a text from Crazy.
ERIN
OMG!
Cut to
Int. Nail salon
Erin and Jam are sitting in massage chairs getting pedicures.
ERIN
She wants to be friends?
JAM
Yep.
ERIN
What did she say exactly?
JAM
That’s what she said. Look.
Jam hands Erin his phone. We see a text message screen. In the sender area we see the name “Crazy” In the text box we see the message “She wants to be friends.” Erin hands the phone back to Jam.
ERIN
Dang, she crazy.
NAIL TECH 1
Is this girl with nine toes?
ERIN
Yep.
NAIL TECH 1
She try to get discount.
ERIN
I remember.
NAIL TECH 1
She crazy.
ERIN
I know.
Nail Tech 2
You text back?
JAM
Not yet.
ERIN
You should totally text her back.
Cut to manicure station. Erin and Jam are sitting in chairs with their hands under the hand dryers.
ERIN
Why does she want to friends now?
JAM
Why does she want to friends at all?
NAIL TECH 1
She crazy.
ERIN
What did you ever see in her?
JAM
She was hot.
ERIN
She was so hot.
JAM
Probably still is. I haven’t seen or talked to her in a long.
ERIN
How long has it been?
JAM
I think LC was still on the show.
ERIN
Dang.
NAIL TECH 2
That’s a long time.
ERIN
You have totally got to text her back.
JAM
What do I say?
ERIN
I don’t know.
Cut to coffee shop. Erin and Jam are sitting at a table drinking lattes from extra large mugs.
ERIN
What did you say?
JAM
I don’t know.
ERIN
You don’t know what you said.
JAM
No. That’s what I said.
Jam slides Erin his phones. We see the same text screen as before but underneath the message “she wants to be friends” we see the message “I don’t know.” Erin slides the phone back to Jam. Almost immediately after Jam gets his phone back, it goes off. Jam looks at the phone.
ERIN
Is that her?
JAM
No. It’s Tia.
ERIN
What’s up?
JAM
She wants us to come home. Chad is already there.
ERIN
His name is Chad?
JAM
Apparently.
Erin jumps up from the table.
ERIN
Let’s go!
JAM
No. It’s Tia.
ERIN
What’s up?
JAM
She wants us to come home. Chad is already there.
ERIN
His name is Chad?
JAM
Apparently.
Erin jumps up from the table.
ERIN
Let’s go!
Erin bolts for the door. Jam remains seated.
JAM
I haven’t finished my latte yet.
Cut to
Int. condo.
JAM
I haven’t finished my latte yet.
Cut to
Int. condo.
Erin, Jam and Tia are sitting on the couch. Jam is holding a to go cup from the coffee shop. Chad is in the loveseat adjacent to the couch. Chad is hot. Stereotypical tall, dark and handsome. His looks are flawless. Tia is staring at him with conflicted eyes – so dreamy yet so weird – while Erin and Jam just look at him with utter confusion.
CHAD
…but most just bears. And unicorns.
ERIN
Oh. Kay. So…Chad. What do you do?
CHAD
I’m an actor.
ERIN
That’s cool. Have you ever been on tv?
CHAD
I don’t do electronic mediums.
JAM
Seriously.
CHAD
Anyone can be awesome with a thousand takes. It’s all about live theater.
ERIN
Okay. Have you been in many plays?
CHAD
I don’t do plays.
JAM
Seriously.
CHAD
Scripts are binding. I won’t waste my talents pretending to be someone else.
JAM
But isn’t that what acting….
ERIN
So. Chad. What DO you do?
CHAD
Performance art.
TIA
Tell them about your audition.
CHAD
For sure. I have landed an audition for Puppetry of the Penis.
TIA
And Chad was going to show ME his audition piece.
ERIN
(to Chad) Oh, were you.
CHAD
Well…yeah…I’m a little nervous and I…uh…want to practice with an audience and get some feedback.
ERIN
Okay. Well, let’s see it.
JAM AND CHAD
Seriously.
ERIN
Seriously. We’re an audience. And this way, you get more feedback.
CHAD
Well…I…
ERIN
Unless, Chad, this whole audition feedback thing is just a ploy to get Tia here to see your junk.
CHAD
(defensively) No.
ERIN
Then let’s see this audition, shall we.
CHAD
Okay.
Chad gets up and walks out of the frame. Camera is on Erin, Jam and Tia. We hear the sound of pants being unzipped. We see Erin, Jam and Tia react to Chad exposing himself.
ERIN
(whispering) Not a very big puppet.
Jam elbows Erin. We hear Chad begin singing the melody to The Entertainer. We see Erin, Jam and Tia react to the shape Chad has made with his junk. There’s a beat and then another reaction to another shape. This series repeats rather quickly nine times. Each time there is a completely different reaction from Erin, Jam and Tia. After the ninth reaction, the singing stops. We hear the sound of pants being zipped up. Chad enters the frame and sits down on the loveseat.
CHAD
Tah. Dah.
Erin, Jam and Tia are speechless. They stare at Chad. Chad stares back. After a couple beats of silence…
CHAD
…but most just bears. And unicorns.
ERIN
Oh. Kay. So…Chad. What do you do?
CHAD
I’m an actor.
ERIN
That’s cool. Have you ever been on tv?
CHAD
I don’t do electronic mediums.
JAM
Seriously.
CHAD
Anyone can be awesome with a thousand takes. It’s all about live theater.
ERIN
Okay. Have you been in many plays?
CHAD
I don’t do plays.
JAM
Seriously.
CHAD
Scripts are binding. I won’t waste my talents pretending to be someone else.
JAM
But isn’t that what acting….
ERIN
So. Chad. What DO you do?
CHAD
Performance art.
TIA
Tell them about your audition.
CHAD
For sure. I have landed an audition for Puppetry of the Penis.
TIA
And Chad was going to show ME his audition piece.
ERIN
(to Chad) Oh, were you.
CHAD
Well…yeah…I’m a little nervous and I…uh…want to practice with an audience and get some feedback.
ERIN
Okay. Well, let’s see it.
JAM AND CHAD
Seriously.
ERIN
Seriously. We’re an audience. And this way, you get more feedback.
CHAD
Well…I…
ERIN
Unless, Chad, this whole audition feedback thing is just a ploy to get Tia here to see your junk.
CHAD
(defensively) No.
ERIN
Then let’s see this audition, shall we.
CHAD
Okay.
Chad gets up and walks out of the frame. Camera is on Erin, Jam and Tia. We hear the sound of pants being unzipped. We see Erin, Jam and Tia react to Chad exposing himself.
ERIN
(whispering) Not a very big puppet.
Jam elbows Erin. We hear Chad begin singing the melody to The Entertainer. We see Erin, Jam and Tia react to the shape Chad has made with his junk. There’s a beat and then another reaction to another shape. This series repeats rather quickly nine times. Each time there is a completely different reaction from Erin, Jam and Tia. After the ninth reaction, the singing stops. We hear the sound of pants being zipped up. Chad enters the frame and sits down on the loveseat.
CHAD
Tah. Dah.
Erin, Jam and Tia are speechless. They stare at Chad. Chad stares back. After a couple beats of silence…
CUT TO BLACK
ROLL CREDITS
ROLL CREDITS