BLACKNESS
Last week on SWFS 4 Life.
Cut to clip from episode 7 of Erin and Jam at the bridal shower dinner.
NARRATOR
Erin gets kicked out of Chelsea’s wedding.
Cut to clip from episode 7 beginning with Chelsea saying “I think the two of you should leave” ending with Chelsea saying, “Go. Away.”
NARRATOR
Jam reveals that he has a secret.
Cut to clip from episode 7 beginning with Erin saying, “What did you do?” ending with Jam saying, “No, you really don’t.”
NARRATOR
What new and exciting adventures are in store for our SWFS?
Cut to extended clip from episode 7 beginning with Erin yelling, “What did you do?” There is no answer from Jam. Erin picks up a magazine from the coffee table and starts to read it. (beat) The front door opens and Tia rushes in and goes straight for the couch.
TIA
Hi Erin
ERIN
Hey Tia.
Tia reaches under the center cushion of the couch and pulls out the Kahr K9. She tucks it in the small of her back, covers it with her t-shirt then heads towards the front door.
TIA
Bye Erin.
ERIN
Bye.
Tia rushes out of the condo. Erin stares at the door for beat. Then…
ERIN
Jam!
Cut to SWFS 4 Life theme song.
Cut to
Int. Coffee shop. Day
Erin and Jam are sitting across from each other. They both are drinking from mugs.
JAM
Where do you think she was going packing heat?
ERIN
I don’t know.
JAM
I know you don’t know. I asked you what you think?
ERIN
I don’t think.
JAM
Stupid.
Erin smiles at Jam.
ERIN
I know this latte sucks.
JAM
Mine is perfect.
ERIN
That’s cause she likes you.
JAM
The new girl?
Jam and Erin turn towards the bar of the coffee shop. An attractive barista is looking at them. She waves. Jam waves back. She smiles. Erin waves. She frowns and turns around and pretends to make a drink.
ERIN
Told you. (beat) You should talk to her.
JAM
Whatever.
ERIN
She’s pretty.
JAM
Whatever.
(beat)
ERIN
She’s not coming back, Jam.
JAM
Really, Erin. Are we talking about this now?
ERIN
We’re going to have to talk about it at some point.
JAM
How about right after you sleep with Carl again.
ERIN
So never.
JAM
Basically.
ERIN
Okay, Jam. But when you are…OMG
JAM
What.
Erin points to the front door. Charles has entered and is looking around the coffee shop. He spots Erin and Jam and heads towards them. Jam and Erin immediately turn their heads and stare into their coffee mugs. Charles takes a seat at the table.
CHARLES
Hey guys. What are we having?
ERIN
A private conversation.
Jam chuckles.
CHARLES
Funny. I miss that quick wit around the office. Not.
ERIN
Don’t you have a chimney to sweep or something?
CHARLES
As a matter of fact I do.
ERIN
So what you want?
CHARLES
Tia.
Erin and Jam look at Charles.
JAM
What about Tia?
CHARLES
She’s stuck at her grandmother’s house and she lost her phone.
ERIN
And she called you?
CHARLES
Work is the only other number she knows by heart.
ERIN
That’s crazy.
JAM
Right. If I lost my phone, I’d be stuck. I only know Granny’s number.
ERIN
Me too. (beat) Jam. This is serious. What if we ever lose our phones?
JAM
Right.
ERIN
Okay. We have to memorize each other’s phone number stat.
Jam and Erin pull out their phones and find each other’s numbers and begin trying to memorize the numbers.
CHARLES
As much as I love watching you two bond we do have a situation here.
ERIN
Right. So, why are you here again?
CHARLES
Tia called and told me to find you two and give you this.
Charles throws an index card onto the table. Jam picks it up and looks at it.
JAM
Is this where she is?
CHARLES
Yep.
JAM
This is like west hell. How are we supposed to get there?
CHARLES
Drive.
JAM
We don’t have a car.
CHARLES
Buy one. Then drive.
ERIN
You’re a genius, Charles. You should sweep chimneys.
Charles gets up.
CHARLES
I’ve done my job. Nice to see you both. Bye.
Charles turns to leave.
ERIN
Wait.
Charles turns around to see Erin and Jam smiling at him. Erin is waving some cash.
Cut to
Ext. Front of Tia’s grandmother’s house.
The house is huge. The façade is exudes wealth and class.
Erin and Jam are standing on the sidewalk as a car driven by Charles pulls away. Erin and Jam are dusting soot of their clothes.
ERIN
That was the nastiest ride ever.
JAM
Worst than Carl?
ERIN
Shut up.
Erin and Jam walk up the steps. Erin rings the doorbell. From inside the house they hear Tia yell.
TIA
Who is it?
ERIN
Jam.
The door opens. Erin and Jam enter.
Cut to
Int. Tia’s grandmother’s house. Day
Erin and Jam are standing on the sidewalk as a car driven by Charles pulls away. Erin and Jam are dusting soot of their clothes.
ERIN
That was the nastiest ride ever.
JAM
Worst than Carl?
ERIN
Shut up.
Erin and Jam walk up the steps. Erin rings the doorbell. From inside the house they hear Tia yell.
TIA
Who is it?
ERIN
Jam.
The door opens. Erin and Jam enter.
Cut to
Int. Tia’s grandmother’s house. Day
The inside is in total contrast to the outside. It is stereotypical grandmother’s house. Old furniture, load of family pictures spanning decades and generations. The décor is all things pigs. Pig statues, figurines, ashtrays, paintings, bookends, lamps, light switches, picture frames, stuffed animals, pillows, etc.
As soon as Jam and Erin walk in Tia rushes to hug Jam. Jam hugs her back.
TIA
Hi Jam.
JAM
Hey Tia.
Tia releases and goes to hug Erin. Erin extends her arm and stops her. Tia retreats.
TIA
Hi Erin.
ERIN
Hello Tia.
TIA
It’s so good to see you.
ERIN
What’s going on?
Tia dusts some soot off her clothes.
TIA
You’re filthy.
JAM
Charles drove us here.
TIA
Oh. Yeah, his car is nasty.
JAM
How would you know how nasty his car is?
TIA
Um…
ERIN
You didn’t.
TIA
I did.
ERIN
Ew.
Tia turns and walks into the sitting room. She sits down on one of the couches. Erin and Jam follow suit.
TIA
My grandma died.
ERIN
No way.
TIA
Way.
JAM
Aw. Man.
ERIN
I’m sorry.
TIA
It’s okay. She hated me.
ERIN
Why?
TIA
Cause I eat bacon.
ERIN
I love bacon.
TIA
She’d hate you too.
JAM
When’s the funeral?
TIA
I don’t know. Dad will be back in the morning. He’s going to take care of all the arrangements.
ERIN
So, why are you here?
TIA
I’m protecting Grandma.
JAM
Grandma is still here?
TIA
She’s asleep in her room.
ERIN
I thought you said she died.
TIA
She did.
ERIN
So, she’s dead in her room?
TIA
It’s a little less creepy when you say sleeping.
JAM
It’s creepy regardless.
Tia nods.
ERIN
So, who are you protecting her from?
TIA
I don’t know. Dad just said to protect her until he gets home.
ERIN
Weird.
TIA
I know. I’ve been in this house for two days with her. It’s kinda creepy
JAM
Kinda?
ERIN
Charles said you were stuck.
TIA
Charles is an idiot.
ERIN
So you’re not stuck?
TIA
No.
ERIN
Then why did you send for us?
TIA
I didn’t want to be here by myself anymore.
Erin closes her eyes instead of responding. (beat) Erin opens her eyes and looks at Jam. Jam shrugs his shoulders. She looks at Tia who smiles. Erin takes a deep breath.
ERIN
And what exactly are we supposed to do while grandma sleeps?
TIA
I figured we could rummage though her jewelry and eat bacon.
JAM
I love jewelry.
ERIN
I love bacon.
Tia smiles.
Cut to black.
On the screen we see the words “Three Hours Later.”
NARRATOR
Three hours later.
Cut to
Int. Tia’s grandmother’s sitting room.
Tia, Erin and Jam are sitting on the couch. They are covered in jewelry. Each one is wearing at least ten gold necklaces. The necklaces range in style and size. They are wearing rings on every finger of both hands; some fingers have two. Erin and Tia are wearing tiaras and large diamond earrings. Jam is wearing a tennis headband with diamonds in it. On the coffee table is a large platter of bacon. The three are eating bacon. After a beat of watching them chew their bacon…
ERIN
God, I love bacon.
CUT TO BLACK
ROLL CREDITS
As soon as Jam and Erin walk in Tia rushes to hug Jam. Jam hugs her back.
TIA
Hi Jam.
JAM
Hey Tia.
Tia releases and goes to hug Erin. Erin extends her arm and stops her. Tia retreats.
TIA
Hi Erin.
ERIN
Hello Tia.
TIA
It’s so good to see you.
ERIN
What’s going on?
Tia dusts some soot off her clothes.
TIA
You’re filthy.
JAM
Charles drove us here.
TIA
Oh. Yeah, his car is nasty.
JAM
How would you know how nasty his car is?
TIA
Um…
ERIN
You didn’t.
TIA
I did.
ERIN
Ew.
Tia turns and walks into the sitting room. She sits down on one of the couches. Erin and Jam follow suit.
TIA
My grandma died.
ERIN
No way.
TIA
Way.
JAM
Aw. Man.
ERIN
I’m sorry.
TIA
It’s okay. She hated me.
ERIN
Why?
TIA
Cause I eat bacon.
ERIN
I love bacon.
TIA
She’d hate you too.
JAM
When’s the funeral?
TIA
I don’t know. Dad will be back in the morning. He’s going to take care of all the arrangements.
ERIN
So, why are you here?
TIA
I’m protecting Grandma.
JAM
Grandma is still here?
TIA
She’s asleep in her room.
ERIN
I thought you said she died.
TIA
She did.
ERIN
So, she’s dead in her room?
TIA
It’s a little less creepy when you say sleeping.
JAM
It’s creepy regardless.
Tia nods.
ERIN
So, who are you protecting her from?
TIA
I don’t know. Dad just said to protect her until he gets home.
ERIN
Weird.
TIA
I know. I’ve been in this house for two days with her. It’s kinda creepy
JAM
Kinda?
ERIN
Charles said you were stuck.
TIA
Charles is an idiot.
ERIN
So you’re not stuck?
TIA
No.
ERIN
Then why did you send for us?
TIA
I didn’t want to be here by myself anymore.
Erin closes her eyes instead of responding. (beat) Erin opens her eyes and looks at Jam. Jam shrugs his shoulders. She looks at Tia who smiles. Erin takes a deep breath.
ERIN
And what exactly are we supposed to do while grandma sleeps?
TIA
I figured we could rummage though her jewelry and eat bacon.
JAM
I love jewelry.
ERIN
I love bacon.
Tia smiles.
Cut to black.
On the screen we see the words “Three Hours Later.”
NARRATOR
Three hours later.
Cut to
Int. Tia’s grandmother’s sitting room.
Tia, Erin and Jam are sitting on the couch. They are covered in jewelry. Each one is wearing at least ten gold necklaces. The necklaces range in style and size. They are wearing rings on every finger of both hands; some fingers have two. Erin and Tia are wearing tiaras and large diamond earrings. Jam is wearing a tennis headband with diamonds in it. On the coffee table is a large platter of bacon. The three are eating bacon. After a beat of watching them chew their bacon…
ERIN
God, I love bacon.
CUT TO BLACK
ROLL CREDITS