Seth K. Thomas

BLACKNES SWFS 4 Life Refrain Cut to Int. Choi’s Diner. Day Jam, Erin and Tia are on one side of the booth. Across from them is an elderly woman dressed in a man’s suit. She has a thin mustache that has been clearly drawn with an eyeliner pencil. The heavy make up is the only clue that this woman is in fact a woman. Next to her is a woman wearing a black dress with a black hat and a black veil that masks her entire face. JAM This is totally weird weird. ELIZABETH Hello Julian. JAM Hello Elizabeth. (to Erin) You were right. ERIN Yeah, I was. But when I said weird I was talking about Elizabeth. I have no idea what’s going on with Lady Beatrice over here. The veiled woman points to Tia. ELIZABETH We need to talk. In private. Everyone at the table looks at Tia. Tia smiles. Beat of silence as everyone continues to look at Tia. ELIZABETH That means leave. ERIN Hey. Don’t you talk to her that way. ELIZABETH My apologies. TIA Thank you Erin. ERIN You’re welcome. Now, leave Tia. TIA Okay. Tia ge...

BLACKNESS SWFS 4 Life Refrain Cold Open Int. SWFS condo. Night The Barista puts her glass on the coffee table then takes Jam’s glass and puts it on the table. Then she leans in and gives Jam a kiss on the mouth. The two start to make out. A loud bell sound is heard from the laptop. JAM breaks from kiss and looks at the computer. JAM Oh no. BARISTA What? JAM Oh my god. BARISTA What is it Jam. JAM I lost the shoes. BARISTA Oh no. Jam buries his head in his hands. Cut to SWFS 4 Life theme song Cut to Int. Condo. Night Erin is still in the suit she wore to the auction except that the bow tie is untied and hanging loose around her neck. The top two buttons of her dress shirt are unbuttoned. She is wearing ankle socks. Erin is pacing. Jam is on the couch. Tia is in the loveseat. ERIN What were you thinking? JAM I was thinking nobody is going to pay two grand for those shoes. ERIN Well, a nobody did, Jam. JAM I know. I can’t believe it. ERIN Well. Believe it. TIA How much did they go for? JAM...

BLACKNESS In the darkness we hear the Barista from last episode. BARISTA I find that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Cut to Int. Jam’s bedroom. Night. Jam and the barista are asleep in Jam’s bed. Beat of silence. Followed by fifteen more beats of silence as we watch Jam and the barista sleep. Boom. Erin busts into Jam’s room. ERIN Jam. Jam. The barista doesn’t move. Jam wakes violently and sits up. He sees Erin. JAM What. What. Erin. What. ERIN We have a problem. JAM What. ERIN Helena is dead. JAM What. ERIN Helena is dead. Deceased. Donezo. JAM This is horrible. ERIN I know. I’m bidding on shoes tomorrow. Cut to SWFS 4 Life Theme Song Cut to Int. Condo. Day. Erin and Jam are in pajama suits. Erin is stretched out on the couch. Jam is in the loveseat. Both have mugs of coffee. ERIN I wonder which one sent the messages? JAM It could have been any one of them. ERIN How many are there? JAM Twenty-three. ERIN Have you met them all? JAM Every one of them. Tia e...

BLACKNESS SWFS 4 Life Refrain Int. Tia’s grandmother’s sitting room. Tia, Erin and Jam are sitting on the couch. They are covered in jewelry. Each one is wearing at least ten gold necklaces. The necklaces range in style and size. They are wearing rings on every finger of both hands; some fingers have two. Erin and Tia are wearing tiaras and large diamond earrings. Jam is wearing a tennis headband with diamonds in it. On the coffee table is a large platter of bacon. The three are eating bacon. After a beat of watching them chew their bacon… ERIN God, I love bacon. TIA Me too. My grandmother would die if she knew I was in her house eating bacon. JAM She already died. TIA Well, she would turn over in her grave. JAM If in fact, she was in a grave. TIA Well, she would… ERIN She would roll out of the bed and hit the floor if she knew we were eating bacon. A loud thud is heard coming from the room just above Erin, Jam and Tia. The three look up at the ceiling. Erin eats another piece of bacon...

BLACKNESS NARRATOR Last week on SWFS 4 Life. Cut to clip from episode 7 of Erin and Jam at the bridal shower dinner. NARRATOR Erin gets kicked out of Chelsea’s wedding. Cut to clip from episode 7 beginning with Chelsea saying “I think the two of you should leave” ending with Chelsea saying, “Go. Away.” NARRATOR Jam reveals that he has a secret. Cut to clip from episode 7 beginning with Erin saying, “What did you do?” ending with Jam saying, “No, you really don’t.” NARRATOR What new and exciting adventures are in store for our SWFS? Cut to extended clip from episode 7 beginning with Erin yelling, “What did you do?” There is no answer from Jam. Erin picks up a magazine from the coffee table and starts to read it. (beat) The front door opens and Tia rushes in and goes straight for the couch. TIA Hi Erin ERIN Hey Tia. Tia reaches under the center cushion of the couch and pulls out the Kahr K9. She tucks it in the small of her back, covers it with her t-shirt then heads towards the front do...

Blackness NARRATOR Last week on SWFS 4 Life Cut to clip from episode 6 of Erin and Jam in massage chairs. NARRATOR Jam gets a text from a girl in his past. Cut to clip from episode 6 starting with Erin asking “why does she want to be friends now” ending with Nail Tech 1 saying, “she crazy.” NARRATOR Tia has strange company with an even stranger talent. Cut to clip from episode 6 beginning with Chad saying, “I got an audition for puppetry of the penis” ending with Tia saying, “and he was going to show me his audition piece.” NARRATOR What new and exciting adventures are in store for our SWFS? Cut to extended clip from episode 6 beginning with Chad sitting down on the loveseat. After Chad says “tah dah” Erin, Jam and Tia are speechless. They stare at Chad. Chad stares back. There are a couple beats of silence then… several more beats of silence. Then… Cut to SWFS 4 Life theme song. Cut to Int. Condo. Afternoon Erin and Jam are sitting on the couch. Erin is wearing a tank top, sweats and ...

  Blackness NARRATOR Last week on SWFS 4 Life Cut to scene of Erin and Mitch sitting in the coffee shop. NARRATOR Erin breaks things off with Mitch after he refuses to tell her he loves her. Cut to clip from episode five of Erin tossing card on the table and saying “Goodbye Mitch.” NARRATOR Sad and dejected Erin, Jam and Tia turn to the one thing that they know will cheer them up. Cut to clip episode five of Erin saying shots. Then show shorter montage of the dancing montage. NARRATOR What new and exciting adventures awaits our SWFS? Cut to extended clip from episode five. Montage ends with Erin, Jam and Tia passed out on the couch. Tia awakes. She leans over and gives Erin a kiss on the cheek. Then she turns and gives Jam a kiss on the mouth. The passes back out. Cut to SWFS 4 Life theme song Scene 1 Int. Condo Erin, Jam and Tia are all on their smart phones typing away. After a beat Tia stands up. TIA I’m off to work. Erin and Jam don’t respond but continue typing on their phones...